Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
