I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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