im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
