Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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