you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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