Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
