Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Randomize
