She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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