why didn't you poke me back
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
