half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
