I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
