Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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