I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
