9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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