I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
