You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
