Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
