dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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