After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
It's blow job season.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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