ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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