did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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