i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
You were trust falling into bushes
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
