i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
