Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
