I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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