We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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