Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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