I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
