So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
