We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Randomize
