Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Holy shit dude........stairs
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
