My liver just broke up with me...
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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