If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
