Cold hands, warm shart.
we have officially lost it.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
