I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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