good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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