If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
