I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
