ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
