I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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