Kiss
Puke
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
