I think my fart just growled at me.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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