My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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