i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
