this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
