Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
