There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
