some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
