Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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