My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
